I own an old victorian and I’m getting ready to gut 15% of my house (bathroom and kitchen) to modernize it. However, I am going to rent it and I’m trying to buy a nice updated suburban home with the fence and pool.
I need a new 1 bedroom apt in my favorite haunting spot in Chicago to get away, work on art - have a romantic relationship (if that ever happens) and to decompress. I don’t believe in bringing people around my sons, even though one is damn near 20 and the other is almost 15. I just find it fucking weird and I have never ever done that type of stuff. We’ve lived just us 3 for 12.5 years.
Sounds strange, I am strange - but back to the apt.
I am NOT wanting to rent a room or sublet. Neither are on option as I don’t trust people around my items. I mean, what if they steal my strap-on’s, whips or tens unit?
I hope you’re a smoker and you wear too much chapstick or something similar on your lips - when you really need a cigarette and the wind refuses to not blow out your flame. I hope you spend 20 minutes trying to light that shit and have a mental breakdown.
Anyone who can get to day 5 of heroin withdrawal and NOT take anything (no benzo’s, no weed, no sleep aides, no anti-shit pills) has beyond super human strength. Anyone who ever says dope sick is “like the flu” is lying because it’s not even close to food poisoning, it’s 100000x’s times worse.
And lastly: Remember if you choose to get sober off of opiates (or anything) - that detox is the LAST detox you’ll ever ever ever have to do. Make that your mantra. Don’t get on subs or methadone because that detox makes a heroin detox look like disney fuckingland.
But since I have been through that vicious cycle since 1993 *yes, I’m old enough that heroin was used in 1993 and I was old enough to buy it* - this is how you detox at home… which I don’t recommend unless you’ve c/t before and know that opiate withdrawal cannot kill you - it just feels like it, and that you do not self harm or have suicidal thoughts. You should do a medical detox for 5 days at the hospital and attend NA/AA at a NON COURT ORDERED place if you suffer from depression with suicidal thoughts, have done this at least once at home *so you know the difference between cold turkey and medical help* AND / OR you have any liver, kidney or seizure disorder.
Also, do not quit junk while quitting other things. Yes, quitting everything at once seems smart but that can actually fucking kill you if it’s alcohol or benzo’s (like xanax, ativan, valium). The only detox that can kill you is alcohol and xanax/ativan/valium. Quit one thing and stay sober off of it for 2 weeks and then begin the next but never ever quit benzo’s unassisted.
Steps to kicking junk:
*Go while high to the ER, tell them you need to be evaluated for detox treatment if you want medical help. You need to piss dirty in order to be taken in for medical opiate withdrawal treatment.
*Go to medical detox and REFUSE methadone or subutex, suboxone but allow the blood pressure, ativan, anti shit meds and remeron (for sleep, you will sleep on remeron - up to 11 hours).
* Take loads of showers, and if you’re in medical detox you’ll have an aide and no RSL or anything. So it’s a false sense of how shit will be when they release you because the real battle is after the major withdrawal is done aka day 6.
If you are home white knuckling it (how I did it)
1. score benzo’s. Get xanax ER (Extended release) and buy:
4 / 2mg pills, 4/ 1mg pills, 4/ .5 mg pills. (This allows you to taper without breaking the pills or being an addict with them) Extended release means it works for 12 hours.
2. Buy imodium and wait till you’re pissing out of your ass before taking it. Allow your body to get rid of the toxins.
3. Before dope sick starts;
wash your hair,
shave if you shave (you won’t shave while sick, it physically hurts),
change your bed sheets and have 2 fresh sets and blankets near by.
get a fan and a space heater (even if it’s 400 degrees out, you’ll use it)
Get a case of bottled water by the bed
gatorade *6 bottles
2 trash cans for throw up or in case you can’t make it to the bathroom
pay ALL your bills and clean your entire house, you won’t leave your room except to shit and puke anyway - but having a clean house and no bills means less shit to worry about.
turn off of your phone or at least put it on DND and only allow your sober friends/family that know what’s happening to get through to you.
Tell the ones you love and have them hold your stash of benzo’s. If you have no one, you’ll only have yourself to hate if you eat them all on day 2. I somehow always manage to never abuse them but I think that’s rare.
Leave ALL your cash in the bank, none on you.
If you shoot up, put your rig in an old 2 liter bottle and throw it in the garbage (along with the spoon you never clean off). The temptation to shoot water or clean the spoon will be feverish on day 2 and 3.
4. Day 2 and 3 are the absolute worst! This is what you’ll feel
Your asshole will be raw
You’ll have restless leg but also in your arms, so your arms will start randomly flying about (this is why stopping dope is called “kicking the habit”)
You will have hour long panic attacks
You will sweat and freeze
Your body becomes almost electrified in feeling, your skin physically hurts.
You will feel like the heat comes from inside you verses from around you
You won’t be comfortable.
You’ll probably take 4 or more baths a day
You’ll hate yourself
BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME YOU GOTTA DO THIS.
The thing that got me through it was not hiding what was going on and also reminding myself that Keith Richards kicked the habit after 25 years of addiction, and he did it cold turkey because that’s virtually the only way that works. You need to traumatize yourself a bit. And anyone who tells you subs or methadone gave them their life back are addicts still comfortable with an opiate, they haven’t detoxed off of those things yet - they will sing another tune when they do.
I’m always here if you need help, someone to text or ask questions to.
Whatever goes up must always come down.
PS: Before I get inboxes asking if X amount of dope or time = withdrawals that are bad - here’s your answer.
It all sucks and it is awful, but the longer you do it the more time you need to recover with the people you fucked over. But dope sick lasts 5 days unless it’s methadone or sub’s … that can last up to 30 days of intense sickness followed with another 30 days of PAWS.
And regarding my opinion of methadone, subs etc - Look man, I was on methadone and cold turkey withdrawaled at home. I succeeded but guess what happened when after 8 months of insomnia, RSL and anxiety just drove me nuts? I relapsed with abandon. I just wanted to fucking sleep and not sweat all the damn time. How long was I on methadone? 1 year. What was my dose? starting dose was 10mg and end dose was 5mg. The kicker with subs and methadone isn’t the dose amount but the length of time you’re on it. So for every month you’re on it, multiple that by 3 and that’s how many months it will take to return to human. I personally do not think that shit should be given out like it is, it’s dope and ever junkie fucking knows it’s legal dope. You’re just putting off the reality which is .. you gotta get clean at some point and the longer you wait the older you get and the more shit will go wrong.
Methadone and subs are a blessing to those with chronic pain or in hospice, homeless and yes - pregnant women. I won’t bore you with why it’s safe/ok to be on the program while pregnant but there’s a medical reason why dr’s do not allow pregnant women to enter detox, they put them on methadone instead. *but your baby will be born addicted and miserable, they will then have the genetic traits to use too*
So the cliff notes is: Heroin, Roxies, Oxy’s , Dillies .. not even once. You have a few options as an addict (and remember, the story of addiction never changes, that’s why Requiem for a dream - written 50 years ago! - was able to be adapted to film without hardly any change).
1. You’ll get caught making a buy or with your shit. (jail and c/t in jail)
2. You’ll overdose and in some states you’ll get arrested at the ER